so today i saw a status update on my blackberry basically saying that 'you cant expect someone to love you unless you love yourself'. ive always believed this to be true. and i always never questioned how much i love myself. i mean 'of-course i love myself'. If i didn't love my self wouldn't i have committed suicide or something...? well that not really the case....
there is so much more to self love that believing your 'perfect' and "anyone who cant see that is not deserving of you".
self love to me is all about embracing your individual personality and being comfortable about yourself, comfortable to the point that you know what you believe in and can stand by it.
its about knowing what you like and what you don't like and not letting anyone dictate you into feeling that your wrong because of that.
we are all individuals, and someone who may fall in love with person A may not feel like person B is right for them no matter how much they try to force it.
what im trying to say is that.... i admit to trying to be what the other person wants.... just i can feel more 'loved'. .... i wonder why, because my real persona eventually would show through and while i was suppressing it i was completely miserable.
for example, i am an expressive person, very understanding, somewhat stubborn, a good listener, sometimes i talk alot sometimes i really dont feel like even being around people, im a people person and im outgoing and sociable. Some men dont like sociable women, they prefer more reserved women and so as a result i would force myself to be more reserved. there's a stereo type that friendly and sociable women maybe talk to much, are not to be trusted, love to be the center of attention and are maybe loose and its easier to believe rumours about them because their sociable. i stereo typed myself as well i thought maybe 'if im not as friendly and less sociable then people would be less likely to believe rumors about me and would maybe trust me more'.
but then when i started to sit back and learn more about myself i realised that i may be sociable but i prefer keeping to a very small group of people! and that i really am not totally comfortable with being the center of attention. and anybody who really knows me knows these things are true.
but so many times we try to force ourselves to be 'better' where as 'better' is really just an attempt to be who that person would prefer us to be.
so am really just at stage one of self love and that is understanding myself. i don't ever want anybody to make me question myself ever again. and make me feel as if i would be a more suitable candidate for a a girlfriend or a friend if i change certain things about me that really just make me....ME.
but theres a difference between changing and compromising! dont forget that! you need to compromise certain things in any relationship weather it be romantic or platonic but not fundamental things that will change you.
its a long journey and its one of the reasons i started the blog. i'm not here to entertain (although i hope i am slightly interesting) but im here to write about the little wonders of my world... its all to do with me and eventually i will understand myself better than anyone.
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